Where have two years gone?
I am trying my darndest to figure out how to put into words my feelings today. I brought with me to school the jeans that I wore to my surgery. My students have been asking me lots of questions about what got me to decide to have the surgery. I forget that these kids really didn't know me as the fat teacher.
They made me think back to my decision making process. I am glad they did. I forgot some of the reasons that I chose to risk everything to make my life better. I think back and look at some of you who are older than me. I remember thinking how cool it will be to be a year out and over 100 pounds lighter. I remember then thinking at my first surgiversary how I really hope that I can lose more and maintain my new lifestyle when I get to my two year surgiversary.
Well, here I am - two years - I am not perfect and have had a slight regain and have learned so many things along the way. I got on the scale this morning here at school, the scale read 164.75. (Well, really 3/4 as it is NOT a digital scale - but you get the picture!) I started this journey at 279 when I walked into Barix in January of 2009. I am pretty sure I was bigger than that earlier in my life - look back at my pictures on facebook, there is a picture of me and my little brother in a pool - I was HUGE!!!!!!!!Anyway - At my lowest - in the fall, I weighed in at 151.9. Three pounds short of my personal goal. Then life got in the way - and I tested some things and stopped watching everything that went in my mouth...oh yeah and I really found a taste for Pinot Grigio.......So that explains the weight gain. However, what I realize is that for the last four months - I have stayed at this number, sometimes a pound or two down but not any higher than 165. I am starting to believe that so long as I continue to be conscience of what I am doing, then I can be comfortable at 165. I will NEVER stop aiming for that 149, but - I will certainly NOT consider myself a failure!
This second year for me has been one of self-discovery. I have a new body image - one that i am still not THRILLED with - but one that I am working toward accepting. I love that I have had plastics and that my belly is NOT something that I hate. I still don't love it - but not hating it is HUGE! i do however, LOVE my girls - that was a great decision. I am still in awe of my body and can finally see sometimes that I am petite. (I even think I shrunk about 3/4 of an inch.....)
Some other things that have occurred to me over this past year:
-- It is VERY easy to fall off the wagon - however, it is just as easy - to me - to climb back on......
-- I am not always proud of my new behaviors, i sometimes act as though I am single and in my mid-twenties - most likely because I didn't behave that way when I WAS single or in my mid-twenties.
-- Plastics was not the magic pill that I had hoped for. My belly is not flat as I wanted - but the skin is no longer there - so that is a win in my book.
-- I can actually swim a mile and NOT hate it - I don't love it mind you - but I do feel accomplished when I finish.
-- I can't believe how fast the second year went. Once I stopped losing weight - about 17-18 months out - the rest of the year of trying to maintain - and not doing so successfully - ha ha - went super fast.
-- My family has grown by huge amounts this year. Having so many of you with me at my child's major life cycle event and having it mean so much to you was a moment I will NEVER let go of. Your presence there meant more to me that losing this weight. There are truly no words for the gratitude I feel for you all the time.
My hopes for the next year:
-- to continue to not gain any additional weight.
-- to continue to get to the pool regularly - still NOT at that goal
-- to continue to monitor what goes into my mouth
-- to continue to talk positively about WLS, my experiences and myself - not always doable.
-- to continue to be a presence at Barix and here on OH - for various reasons - 1, I love tohear myself talk! :) but 2 - I REALLY REALLY need you all!
-- to continue to be honest with myself, Larry, my kids and you. I don't always do that.
-- to continue to love this journey that I chose.
Thank you for being part of my life. I wouldn't change a thing!
They made me think back to my decision making process. I am glad they did. I forgot some of the reasons that I chose to risk everything to make my life better. I think back and look at some of you who are older than me. I remember thinking how cool it will be to be a year out and over 100 pounds lighter. I remember then thinking at my first surgiversary how I really hope that I can lose more and maintain my new lifestyle when I get to my two year surgiversary.
Well, here I am - two years - I am not perfect and have had a slight regain and have learned so many things along the way. I got on the scale this morning here at school, the scale read 164.75. (Well, really 3/4 as it is NOT a digital scale - but you get the picture!) I started this journey at 279 when I walked into Barix in January of 2009. I am pretty sure I was bigger than that earlier in my life - look back at my pictures on facebook, there is a picture of me and my little brother in a pool - I was HUGE!!!!!!!!Anyway - At my lowest - in the fall, I weighed in at 151.9. Three pounds short of my personal goal. Then life got in the way - and I tested some things and stopped watching everything that went in my mouth...oh yeah and I really found a taste for Pinot Grigio.......So that explains the weight gain. However, what I realize is that for the last four months - I have stayed at this number, sometimes a pound or two down but not any higher than 165. I am starting to believe that so long as I continue to be conscience of what I am doing, then I can be comfortable at 165. I will NEVER stop aiming for that 149, but - I will certainly NOT consider myself a failure!
This second year for me has been one of self-discovery. I have a new body image - one that i am still not THRILLED with - but one that I am working toward accepting. I love that I have had plastics and that my belly is NOT something that I hate. I still don't love it - but not hating it is HUGE! i do however, LOVE my girls - that was a great decision. I am still in awe of my body and can finally see sometimes that I am petite. (I even think I shrunk about 3/4 of an inch.....)
Some other things that have occurred to me over this past year:
-- It is VERY easy to fall off the wagon - however, it is just as easy - to me - to climb back on......
-- I am not always proud of my new behaviors, i sometimes act as though I am single and in my mid-twenties - most likely because I didn't behave that way when I WAS single or in my mid-twenties.
-- Plastics was not the magic pill that I had hoped for. My belly is not flat as I wanted - but the skin is no longer there - so that is a win in my book.
-- I can actually swim a mile and NOT hate it - I don't love it mind you - but I do feel accomplished when I finish.
-- I can't believe how fast the second year went. Once I stopped losing weight - about 17-18 months out - the rest of the year of trying to maintain - and not doing so successfully - ha ha - went super fast.
-- My family has grown by huge amounts this year. Having so many of you with me at my child's major life cycle event and having it mean so much to you was a moment I will NEVER let go of. Your presence there meant more to me that losing this weight. There are truly no words for the gratitude I feel for you all the time.
My hopes for the next year:
-- to continue to not gain any additional weight.
-- to continue to get to the pool regularly - still NOT at that goal
-- to continue to monitor what goes into my mouth
-- to continue to talk positively about WLS, my experiences and myself - not always doable.
-- to continue to be a presence at Barix and here on OH - for various reasons - 1, I love tohear myself talk! :) but 2 - I REALLY REALLY need you all!
-- to continue to be honest with myself, Larry, my kids and you. I don't always do that.
-- to continue to love this journey that I chose.
Thank you for being part of my life. I wouldn't change a thing!
Steffi,
The time sure has passed quickly!! You are a real, true person who is not perfect, hell none of us are! We have become friends through this journey and I am glad about that!! I, for one am glad to hear that you need us as much as we need you. You have really helped me this past year which has not been easy for me! Your support and friendship means so much! I have gotten to know you and your family much better and feel so lucky to have had the opportunity.
Like Dennis says, we need each other!! I think it is more true now than ever!!!
Mazel Tov on Two Years of Successing!!!
Love you, Beth
The time sure has passed quickly!! You are a real, true person who is not perfect, hell none of us are! We have become friends through this journey and I am glad about that!! I, for one am glad to hear that you need us as much as we need you. You have really helped me this past year which has not been easy for me! Your support and friendship means so much! I have gotten to know you and your family much better and feel so lucky to have had the opportunity.
Like Dennis says, we need each other!! I think it is more true now than ever!!!
Mazel Tov on Two Years of Successing!!!
Love you, Beth
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Steffi -
Sweetie, lovie, doll!! Happy Surgiversary!
I feel like every time I see you I thank you for being you.
Without you being this wonderful, funny, kind woman who welcomed me with open arms, I'm not sure if I would have hung around. And all those superlatives there? None of them are about your WLS, they are just the person you are.
But when it comes to WLS, you have been a great inspiration for me in the sense that you put a "real" face on both the surgery and your plastics. You being so open about your (many) successes and (few) failures has really helped me when I think about where I am, and where I am going. It is so easy to daydream about my (hopeful!!) plastics and think everything is going to be daisies and puppies. Your statement of still working on loving your body, while not hating it - that's powerful stuff girl.
Thank you for being such a great support. You're awesome!
~ Cherish
Oh, and PS. - the girls are fabulous!!!
Sweetie, lovie, doll!! Happy Surgiversary!
I feel like every time I see you I thank you for being you.
Without you being this wonderful, funny, kind woman who welcomed me with open arms, I'm not sure if I would have hung around. And all those superlatives there? None of them are about your WLS, they are just the person you are.
But when it comes to WLS, you have been a great inspiration for me in the sense that you put a "real" face on both the surgery and your plastics. You being so open about your (many) successes and (few) failures has really helped me when I think about where I am, and where I am going. It is so easy to daydream about my (hopeful!!) plastics and think everything is going to be daisies and puppies. Your statement of still working on loving your body, while not hating it - that's powerful stuff girl.
Thank you for being such a great support. You're awesome!
~ Cherish
Oh, and PS. - the girls are fabulous!!!
Cherish
Consult Weight/ Surgery Weight/Current Weight/ Goal Weight, Reached 4/7/11!!
294 286.5 165.5 164
Full abdominoplasty & Breast Reduction/Lift - 4/9/12!
Even miracles take a little time. ~ Cinderella
Consult Weight/ Surgery Weight/Current Weight/ Goal Weight, Reached 4/7/11!!
294 286.5 165.5 164
Full abdominoplasty & Breast Reduction/Lift - 4/9/12!
Even miracles take a little time. ~ Cinderella
Steffi
Your outline to successing has been chosen, both by what you've done thus far and the guidelines you've written for yourself. . . I wish you continued successing and hope to continue to be along side of you on this path
Congrats again, Laureen
Your outline to successing has been chosen, both by what you've done thus far and the guidelines you've written for yourself. . . I wish you continued successing and hope to continue to be along side of you on this path
Congrats again, Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
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